lady_branwyn: (typewriter; picowrimo)
[personal profile] lady_branwyn
Title: Twilight
Author: Lady_branwyn
Characters/Pairing: Thuringwethil, Bella Swan
Rating: G
Warnings: Makes fun of Twilight
Book/Source: LOTR/Twilight Crossover
Disclaimer: The sandbox belongs to the Tolkien Estate; I am just playing. Written for the tolkien_weekly "Twilight" Challenge. The dialogue is a quote from the Twilight saga which belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
****************

From her hiding place, Thuringwethil watched as the maiden stamped about the field. She was clad in strange raiment of wild hue, and the gown barely hid her privates. The vampire swallowed hungrily at the sight of her bare throat.

Raising her heart-shaped face to the heavens, the maiden wailed, “What kind of world is this? Where’s the justice?" Her voice rent the air like the whine of a whetstone. "Am I the only one who has to get old? I get older every stinking day!”

Stretching her wings, Thuringwethil stifled a laugh. She could easily take care of that.

Date: 2011-11-30 05:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elenbarathi.livejournal.com
Yay, Thuringwethil - talkin' about a real vampire! I hope she likes freesia!

Date: 2011-12-05 10:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
I seem to have tapped into a deep reservoir of hatred for "Twilight." :D
I love your icon!

Date: 2011-11-30 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phyloxena.livejournal.com
Ah-ha-ha!

Date: 2011-12-05 10:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
The best I can say about those books is that at least kids are reading...

Date: 2011-12-05 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phyloxena.livejournal.com
This is probably the worst you could say about them. Books, and kids, too.

Date: 2011-12-05 11:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
I certainly wouldn't recommend Bella as a role model for young women. I've only seen the first one of the movies and have read only snippets of the books, but she appears to have no hobbies, no career ambitions, and no interests besides her nauseating love life. Worrying about which boy to date (werewolf or vamp?) is her only concern in life.

Date: 2011-11-30 09:09 am (UTC)
ext_47048: (Default)
From: [identity profile] jay-of-lasgalen.livejournal.com
Dear God. Is that dialogue an example of the book? I'm glad I've never read it! Your drabble is SO much better. I particularly like rhe last line :>)

Date: 2011-12-05 10:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
Sadly, that is an actual quote from "Eclipse." Luckily, I didn't have to read any of the books; I found an online quote page created by a devoted fan. (However, I did borrow the first movie from the library and managed to sit through it though it was a struggle. Lord Branwyn wouldn't even come into the room while it was playing.)

Date: 2011-11-30 10:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] engarian.livejournal.com
Oh, too funny, and about as close as I EVER want to get to a Twilight book.

- Erulisse (one L)

Date: 2011-12-05 10:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
Believe it or not, a LOT of adults read those books (including some of my coworkers). The mind boggles.

Date: 2011-11-30 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] curiouswombat.livejournal.com
Yay! Best possible thing that could happen!

Date: 2011-12-05 10:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
Hee! No more sequels!

Date: 2011-11-30 08:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellynn-ithilwen.livejournal.com
*giggles* Good crossover! :)))

Date: 2011-12-05 10:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
Thank you! *laughs evilly*

Date: 2011-11-30 10:48 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-12-05 10:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
See, Tolkien was way ahead of his time--he was writing about vampires before they became popular. :D

Date: 2011-12-01 12:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kortirion.livejournal.com
*cackle* If I could 'high-five' you... I would! Brilliant!

Date: 2011-12-05 10:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
*bows with an evil laugh*

Date: 2011-12-01 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] slaymesoftly.livejournal.com
LOL - Couldn't resist taking a peek at this one. Didn't even need to know who Thuringwethil is to enjoy it. :)

Date: 2011-12-05 10:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-branwyn.livejournal.com
I am glad you liked it! Thuringwethil is a minor deity who sometimes takes the form of a giant vampire bat. She could kick "Twilight" vampire boy's pretty *ss.

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